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New Worlds Of Fear

from Apparition Sound by ENERGY

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"A lot of songs that I’ve written in the past have dealt with the fact that I don’t believe in God, but I feel like this is the darkest and angriest one out of any of them. This isn’t just a song about atheism, it’s a song about actually losing faith in the God that I was raised to believe in as a child.

I was brought up Catholic by my mother. We went to church every Sunday. I used to kneel down next to my bed and pray to God by myself every night truly believing that he was actually listening to me. My mother was my CCD teacher, and she made me say my rosary prayers every night. I received my first holy communion, sang in the church choir briefly, went through confession, etc. I even went away to some type of “Jesus Camp” type of thing for a while there too.

It was around the time when I was going to be confirmed into the Catholic church where I stopped believing though. I was getting older, more mature, and it all just stopped making sense to me. It didn’t seem realistic anymore to keep believing in something based solely on blind faith with no scientific evidence to support it. I was now a non-believer, and there was no turning back.

This is where the title of the song came from because that was the beginning of a whole new world of fear for me. A world where the afterlife as I once “knew” it no longer existed. This was also a very weird time in the band as far as lineup changes go. I was now 100% in charge of writing the songs, which terrified me to no end. I thought using this song title as the name of the album would be appropriate because once again, this opened up a whole new world of fear in my mind because I knew that I was going to have to be the main driving force in the band if I wanted to continue making new music.

The song itself started with the intro riff. I had it laying around for a while, but couldn’t figure out what to do with it until I played it with a live drummer. I was questioning whether or not it was too “metal/heavy” or whatever for Energy but everyone else in the band ended up liking the final demo version of the song, so it all worked out. The main riff was heavily influenced by Black Sabbath. Particularly the riff at the end of the song “Psycho Man” from their “Reunion” album. The verses draw heavy influence from Samhain/Son Of Sam, the instrumentation of the pre-chorus was inspired by the chorus of Killing Joke’s “The Wait”, and the ending was just a weird, dark, and brooding idea I had that wasn’t really inspired by any song or band in particular that I can think of off the top of my head. I intentionally kept the rhythm guitar track simple, and wrote a melodic lead crossing over it in an eastern sounding scale that I felt fit the mood I was going for. I knew that I wanted the lyrics/vocals to be spoken and not sung, which is actually very rare for me if you look back on all of the songs I’ve recorded over the years.

The pre-choruses (I guess that’s what you’d call them because there is no real chorus in this song) where I sing “Now shield your eyes…etc.” were actually written as if I were talking to a younger version of myself before I had completely lost faith in God. Back when I was beginning to see and hear the things that made me start to question everything. Ever since then there has been a constant battle in my head regarding whether or not I’m glad that I learned what I now see as the truth, or if I would have preferred to have just remained blissfully ignorant until I died.

A very important person in my life said to me on many occasions that it doesn’t matter to her that there is no God, because she was never tricked into believing there was one in the first place. Therefore, atheism is not a sad thing to her.

The fact that I’m an atheist is a very sad thing for me. I’m still searching for inner peace regarding the afterlife, and being OK with the fact that there is no God or consciousness as we know it after death. I’m still trying to shake off the trauma from back when I first figured out that I had been lied to my entire life.

This is not intended to offend or belittle anyone who is religious or spiritual in any way. In fact, I wish I was like you. I wish I could believe what you believe. I wish I could see it all through your eyes. I just can’t unlearn what I’ve learned, and for that I envy you more than you could ever know.

~ Jason Tankerley

lyrics

The coldest nights will bring in darker days
I'm slowly marching to an early grave
Nowhere to hide from all these silent screams
It's hard to wake up when you're not asleep

Now shield your eyes
And block your ears
From all the sights and sounds that
Brought me face to face with fear

The driest eyes are always soaked in tears
Each sunrise let's you see the end so clear
Now thinking back to when I learned to see
I wish to God that they had blinded me

Now shield your eyes
And block your ears
They're speaking words that
You don't wanna hear

But you don't hide
Now you wanna see
All the horrors of
Eternal, godless misery

So here we are
In this brand new world of fear
Where dreams turn into nightmares
And swallow up the years

The years we lived in comfort
And knew someone could hear
The things we spoke in silence
The things we never feared

But no one was listening
No one ever does
Because I've been seeking solace
In a god that never was

credits

from Apparition Sound, released January 1, 2016
Written by Jason Tankerley,

Jason Tankerley - Vocals, Guitar
Chris Curran - Guitars
Conor O'Brien - Bass
Kevin Thompson - Drums

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ENERGY Stoughton, Massachusetts

ENERGY formed in February of 2006 in the town of Stoughton, Massachusetts. Over the years, ENERGY’s signature style of somber, melancholy melodies and introspective lyrics combined with infectiously poppy hooks has truly cemented them as one of Boston’s most unique bands. ... more

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